Thursday, February 17, 2011

And So It Begins: The Jean Ski Moo Budget-Busting Beauty Chronicles

Pre-amble: 

I'm crazy. I know it. I write crazy things! :-) Consider it a lovely quirk of mine. Or not. I just like writing crazy and have these weird images stuck in my head. I shall probably update this with drawings and artwork or maybe even a comic. Compound the madness! 

... And on the eighth day, God created lipstick. Or eyeliner, or mascara, or foundation, or what have you. You know, whatever, just go with your own cosmetic beliefs; we can all choose to worship at our own altars, be it MAC, Guerlain, Chanel, Revlon, etc. The only important, and indisputable thing is that It had begun.

It; the Flood. Because from then on, Lipstick begat Lipgloss begat Lipstain begat... Oh, you get the point. And so on and on it went until God saw and said everything was good.



Now, in the beginning, everything may have been good, but unfortunately as the 'begats' repeated themselves one too many times the line of the twelve companies--oops, I mean, tribes--became watered down and soon there were some pretty unsightly creations walking the face of this fair earth. Lipsticks that emphasized lines instead of filling them, glosses that tasted like the not-even-invented-yet petroleum and lipstains that left rings as they faded! The horrors!

Well, by then things weren't quite all that good, but at least everything was free. Neither Eve nor Adam nor any Estee Lauder nor Mary Kay nor Bobbi Brown ever had to toil a day for these fantastic fruits. But that all changed when one of the lot (they say it was Eve, but who's to say it wasn't Adam? After all there's an A. Lambert here now who quite seems to enjoy makeup...) plucked the Forbidden Fruit of Knowledge called Capitalism. Free Market entered the story in the form of a tut-tutting disappointed All Father who wagged his finger at the little children and sent a winged bouncer with a flaming sword to drive them out of the Paradise of Free Cosmetics. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

After millenias and millenias (or six thousand years or so, depending on your religious make,) we still remain forever barred from Makeup Paradise. However, God (or someone else?) still teases us with the promise of The Most Fantastic Product Ever That Will Solve All Your Beauty Problems Forever And Ever, dangling over our head like that Forbidden Fruit must have over Eve and her kin in Ye Olden Times. And so the search continues to find the best product for the best value, so that we may live another day without breaking the bank, fiercely and triumphantly wielding a rainbow array of lipsticks in our hands!

...

Or, in other words, to be quite plain and sane: I like makeup quite a bit, I like ogling it, I like buying it, I like slathering it all over my face and my hands and my arms, and I'll be using this little ol' corner of the internet to air my concerns and joys and frustrations and what not with whoever is crazy in beauty enough to listen. Might as well, else how will I justify my beauty spendings? I did not need that last lipstick, nor did I need the last-last-last-last-last lipstick, either. But fear not, I shall share my findings with thee so we may ever on and upwards conquer more and more of the cosmetic realm and make the best buys ever. Oy!

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